The Joy of “Cross-Eyed” Retrospect

    I've been reading through Job. Quite an interesting book that I could say a lot about, but I want to narrow my thoughts to one particular portion of this theologically challenging correspondence. I'm not here to debate whether God ever allows painful things into our lives or how Satan can enter God's presence like that, no; I'm just here to share with you something that God brought to light for me recently when I was reading Job. If you have ever skimmed over Job or heard a pastor preach on it somewhere, I'm sure you know the gist of the story. A wealthy, faithful follower of God all the sudden has tragedy strike and looses everything that ever meant something to him. All the while his friends, maybe well meaning, try to get him to admit some hidden sin that would explain what he was going through, and Job declares he is innocent. Many times we uphold the idea that Job was so righteous never getting upset with God through all this…and I have to ask you if that's how you view Job-have you ever read his letters? The Book of Job is full of Job's honest and heart-wrenching prayers asking God why this is happening. He seems to feel insignificant in God's sight, otherwise why would this be happening? It is as if he questions how God views him, but all the while Job understands the power of God, if you have the time; it's a complex book to read through-but it's amazing what you'd find. The portion that struck a chord with me was found in chapter nine, one of Job's responses to his friend…

        + Job 9:32-35 ³² "God is not a mortal like me, so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial. ³³ If only there were a mediator between us, someone who could bring us together. ³⁴ The         mediator could make God stop beating me, and I would no longer live in terror of his punishment. ³⁵ Then I could speak to him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own                 strength.

    What a vivid picture of a man who is lost in his sorrows. All Job can see is how despised he is. The only thing he can comprehend is how god MUST be angry with him because of all the horrors he was going through. And then his line is nearly heart breaking. He details the need for a mediator. He just wants to feel heard by God, to understand why he is dealing with all the pain that has latched itself to his life. All he sees is his sinful state, he knows that he couldn't ever come to God in that way, but what he hasn't understood yet is how God wants Job to come even in this state. It's reminiscent of the cry of Isaiah when he realizes he is ruined for his sins are in the presence of the KING. (Isaiah 6) Have you ever felt the distance from God when you needed him the most? Ever felt that what you've done is so wrong that God couldn't want you to approach him in this muddied state. I know the feeling, praying the same thing over and over with seemingly no response-if only there was someone who was there…someone who could be in God's presence and state my case, intercede for me. But there is. That's just it, we DO have a mediator, and we can turn to Jesus. Job lived thousands of years before Jesus came in the flesh. In fact, many scholars believe that Job was the oldest book written; chronologically it would most likely be intermixed with the book of Genesis.

    If he only had the ability to see the sacrifices as an image of the coming Savior, but Job lived before Moses' time, this could be why we never see a reference to God's provision for the people of Israel that is looked back on by so many other Old Testament books. Just imagine it; Job's only context of god is however he had revealed himself to him in a clear and personal way. Job, even a in his distress while questioning God's love for him still understands pieces of his character. What would I have reacted life if I wasn't able to look back to the cross? The people of Israel could look forward knowing God was a deliverer. They had a picture of it, they had been promised a redeemer. They had the cloud and pillar of fire, for all we know about Job, he had no such physical manifestation of God. He was only able to respond to God through hi innate desire for purpose, love and connection. We don't know how he first came to know God-but I can't imagine how I would've been able to respond if I couldn't look back to the cross.

    Job saw his sinfulness, and he felt inadequate to state his case before a Holy God, and all he wanted was somehow to feel like someone was listening to his plea. As I read this, I was deeply convicted. All those times that my prayers seemed to hit the ceiling, as they mingled with my tears…I had the immeasurable blessing to be able and look back on the cross. My Mediator was listening; my mediator was lifting up his own prayers on my behalf. Job eventually came to the realization that God was there-but what would I have done in that situation? How grossly my trust in God would've been in comparison with Job's. We have it clear and laid out, that even in those hard moments-our sacrificial mediator is interceding on our behalf.

        + Hebrews 8:6 But our High Priest has been given a ministry that is far superior to the ministry of those who serve under the hold laws, for he is the one who guarantees for us a better         covenant with God, based on better promises.

I guess I want to encourage you, take a lesson from Job, his life crumbled and he still held to a God he had never seen. We have access to a text that tells us all we need to know in order to get close to a REAL and PERSONAL GOD. We can look back at the cross. We have the assurance that our God brought the mediator-what measure of trust it took for Job to trust God to come through centuries down he line. The Hebrew people looked forward with verbal promises spoken. Next time you feel your life is crumbling, maybe that's today, remember that you can turn to a God who has already come through for you. How can we not trust him when he has placed Jesus always in the throne room to intercede? I don't know if your heart was pricked by the example God brought to confront me. All I know, is that next time I'm feeling like my life has taken on a new pain, I have no excuse to not present it before God and KNOW he hears, just look back . See the cross. See your mediator always before the throne.

A Word for Those Afraid of the Flame

I find comfort in the reality that we serve a God who doesn't hesitate to help us live up to what our highest potential is. Our God wants to see us walking in all he has for us-the processes however to training ourselves to run that race in a way well done-that's not always a path marked with rainbows and puppy dogs. Sometimes leaving our fluffy little house of pillow soft friends and candy sweet words can hurt like a bee sting in the ankle. But one thing I know is that when we find ourselves in those painful situations-our God can work all things for our good (Romans 8:28) I also know that God can often call us to move beyond the boundaries of our comfortable routine. And I have personally experienced what happens if you too long resist that leading. When I ignored God calling me to change an area in my life, or to address a distraction-eventually I was able to ignore his voice speaking to me about that issue. When we do that we are pulling away from God's growth process for us……with all this and more weighing heavy on my heart at this week's Sunday night prayer service, I felt God speaking to me. I felt convicted at his words-and I know that he wants YOU to hear this too. Please don't push away God's leading anymore in that area that is on your mind right now…please read this word with an open heart to hear what God may be speaking to you, and if your palms get sweaty and your heart beats a little faster-remember that we can only ignore God's voice so long until we become experts on the phrase "those who have ears but cannot hear"

+Hebrews 12L29-28 (NLT) Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.

"My child- you have strayed from my fire. The answered prayers were hot and burnt a sensitive place on your heary. Did you see that as you pulled away- I wouldn't continue to purge with out your wiling submission? Come close again-I've removed chains but there's more. Let me burn away all that lies in the dark corners. Come further still. You see the pain. You hear the anguish-will you still choose to draw near? Will you let me come as close as I desire? Dear one, do not draw from a shallow account. Deeper, closer I call you to carry a cross-but not alone. But you must take it up with eager focus. Not a cross of a task, not of a call, not of a ministry, but a pursuit; a passionate pursuit of me. No other cross will be heaver for the weight of your soul is in every splinter of the wood. Every heart beat for me is another step closer to the flame. Come take a closer walk by the fire. The chains do not just break, in my presence they are melted into holy ore. From the ore I forge anew the sword of the Spirit that come from the lips of the King to battle on your behalf. Closer I call you to the flame. Forever Faithful is he called, the One who holds out his hand to you, has He not been there before? Does he not know the price? Does He not offer a cry at your pain? Come and turn to the flame to be cleansed and strengthened. He who has called you is faithful, he will do this."

+James 4:7-10 (NLT) So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw close to god and God will draw closet you, wash your hands, you sinners; purify you hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laugher, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor.

When you ask God to help you grow and declare that you want him no matter the cost-he will answer that prayer, my question for you today, and it's a question that I had to review once more for myself is this, am I willing to receive the answer to my prayers? Will I draw close to a flame that will burn me, but also keep me soft clay to be molded at the hand of the Potter? Be willing to embrace the healing pain of letting you're selfishness be seared away from your spirit. This is more than lofty words and fancy talk. God can lead you day by day from the decisions you make to the thoughts you think. He wants to be so intimately involved in your life, he wants you to be able and sense his voice when he speaks to you. But he leaves the decision in your hands; will you pull away from the flame-afraid of the healing fire? Or will you walk into it, knowing that the ONE who had been there before will hold your hand as you are renewed. I pray that you embrace the devouring fire of our Holy God and carry it with you where ever you go.

Forsake Your Fear, Another Levitical Lesson

Many of us have some habitual sin in our lives. We lie. We steal. We gossip. Or maybe it's some other unspoken; maybe it's just choosing pride over humility. Maybe it's a habitual sin of ignoring what God has pressed on your heart to do. No matter what it is, we often find ourselves deliberately choosing to disobey God. I've been there; I continually have to walk away from there. This is part of the flesh vs. Spirit battle that we are constantly subjected to whether we engage or not. These thoughts and others came to mind as I read in Leviticus 26. The chapter appears to be addressing two subjects; namely obedience and disobedience to God.

+ Leviticus 26: 14-15, 36-37 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands,15 and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant…36 " 'As for those of you who are left, I will make their hearts so fearful in the lands of their enemies that the sound of a windblown leaf will put them to flight. They will run as though fleeing from the sword, and they will fall, even though no one is pursuing them.37 They will stumble over one another as though fleeing from the sword, even though no one is pursuing them. So you will not be able to stand before your enemies"

The surrounding scripture explains how God went through all these efforts to capture the heart of the Hebrew people, but they continue in their sin. This is a certain parallel to us is it not? Maybe it's just me, but I find myself in disobedience often enough. Now this is not to make you feel condemned, but I want to show you what exactly our disobedience is costing us, and maybe you can identify, like I did, some of those areas you are having a deaf ear in. So my question to you is what happens to our spiritual life as a result of a repetitive disobedience?

1-Constant Fear The scripture says how these people who have abhorred, or detested God's will be afraid of a falling leaf. They will be living in such constant fear of their enemy that a falling leaf would terrify them and send them running. We make fun of people who jump when we pop out from behind a corner at them-let alone someone who sprints away when a leaf falls from a nearby tree. I can't say how this may be true in your life-but I can tell you how I've seen this played out in my own. When I am walking in disobedience in some arena of my life, I know that I live in a greater measure of fear. My main leaf is that of worry and anxiety and stress. It can all build up on me at once and I am so worried about what I'm supposed to do next-I often don't take the time to think on whether there is an area in my life that I haven't surrendered to Christ. What's your leaf? Maybe identifying it will take you to the root.

2-Falling Under False Pursuit "They will run as though fleeing from the sword, and they will fall, even though no one is pursuing them" Many of us have a hard enough time walking out our spiritual life in a day without feeling the enemy must be hot on our tail. The car doesn't start, you finally get it working and that one customer at work comes in and chews you out, phone call comes where you find out your insurance is going up for some reason or another-you know that the sword of the enemy is swinging at you. But this scripture says how, when you choose to ignore the will of God for your life, you may find yourself running from and FALLING when there is no one pursuing you. Can you imagine all the Christians you've met that live a defeated life-they could be running from a fictitious sword. God may have freedom for you-but because you are weary in following through on something God has asked of you-you can't even see that you are protected. You fall and give into the attacks because you are too busy looking for the enemy rather than pursuing God.

3-Defenses Fail "you will not be able to stand before your enemies." In Ephesians 6 Paul admonishes us to stand and after all we've done to stand, stand. When we find ourselves in some habitual sin that is controlling the rest of our lives, or we have purposefully and methodically hardened our hearts to God's voice-we are unable to stand against the enemy. We open ourselves up to the attacks of the accuser when we turn our back on God and face the enemy defenseless. We leave ourselves powerless and weak because we are denying God the ability to bless us. So when the enemy truly does come against us in some way, we can't stand. No longer are we running from leaves or falling under an imaginary sword-we buckle when presented with an attack. Those moments when some truly life changing news has been delivered to you and you feel like just can't breathe, you can't bare it anymore-the enemy has found you nearly defenseless.

Now please remember, this is all as a result of deliberately walking away from what God has clearly directed for us. I've been there; it's a nearly daily battle go stay away from this place. This place is not without hope. God laid this out to the Hebrew people so that they could see the sin in their lives and repent. He wanted to be the one to fight for them, he wants us to stand and after all we've done to stand-stand. He wants us to confidently walk in authority over that which seeks to destroy his plan for our life-but we must clean house. I encourage those I know that when God confronts them with something in their life that needs improvement-then do it. Just deal with it, do all you can to deal with it. Jesus told us to cut off our right hand if it causes us to sin-sin is not something to take lightly. I know personally what it's like to purposefully overlook an area that God had his finger on-it places a heavy burden on your shoulders that makes it difficult to stand under. This sin can cause you to be so bound to fear that you feel hopeless-but dear friend there is hope!

+ Leviticus 26:3, 6-7 " 'If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands... 6 " 'I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove savage beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through your country.7 You will pursue your enemies, and they will fall by the sword before you."

Did you see that, a complete turnaround, this portion of scripture that precedes the others-it details our position when we obey the word of God? When we are walking in faithfulness before God, this is not perfection, but a heart set on Him, with that mindset we are able to once again wield our sword. No longer do you have to run from the enemy! No one will make us afraid and the sword will not be near! Dear one please take encouragement from this word. If you feel enslaved to some sinful tendency, whether action or emotion-please know that the fear you live in doesn't have to dominate your life anymore. You can route your enemy rather than buckling under the pressure of their sword. Our God is faithful to make a way out-he wants you to turn to him and his forgiveness is deep enough to take you out of the pain you find yourself in.

Won't you ask God to help you identify the leaf of your fear and lead you to the root that causes you to feel under pursuit? Would you turn to God and let him defend you? He is waiting for you to turn to him-take up your sword and engage. Forsake your fear.

Right to Redeem, a Levitical Lesson

I have been reading through the Bible with my Church. I haven't yet done this task in one single year of my life, so I'm trying to stay on track with it. Before I sit down to read for the day I ask God to open my eyes and ears to receive what Word he may have for me that day, with this prayer has come some interesting illuminations of the scriptures. Now I don't claim to have discovered some truth that NO ONE ELSE has ever realized, I just see these whispers of God breathed inspiration as something that God was using to speak to me where I am at right now. Now I have also learned lately that there is usually someone right next to me in the same spot, I just too often have tunnel vision all wrapped up about ME, so much so that I can't see my friend next to me. So I share this, just in case you are that dear friend standing here, dealing with the same issues, struggling with the same lies, or hurting over the same pains. I want you to know that you are set apart person, beloved of the most High King and a priest in the bloodline of Christ. So as we stand here with our tunnel vision straight ahead, let's pause and look at these gentle writings that God inked on my heart that are found amidst his dissertations to the Levitical Priests of old.

    +Leviticus 25:32 The Levites always have the right to redeem any house they have sold within the cities belonging to them

So this isn't the most amazing verse I've ever read. But let me try to not bore you as I give you the context. Here we are reading of the guidelines for the tribe of Levi as they were in the wilderness with Moses and the Israelites. This particular section of scripture Moses is delivering the instructions of the Lord on the subject of property. He explains how the land that is sold outside of the city walls cannot ever be redeemed by the people of Israel. It goes on and on about this until it comes down to talking about the Levite's ability to redeem their property. While all the other tribes would have to sell their property once and for all, God allowed for the Priests to claim back their property.

    I read this and a thought sparked, the priests, were able to ALWAYS, no matter what, claim back what was theirs. How many of us feel like we have let go of something that we may never get back? The bitterness that you've held onto for too long left a burn mark on the inside, you lost your peace. The impure thoughts and actions that dominated your life have left you feeling like a white washed tomb, you feel at a loss for inner purity. You spew angry words all the time at the people closets to you, you lost your contentment. We all have areas of our lives that we feel we lost. Maybe there are areas of your life, areas that are pieces of who you are and you feel the enemy, satan, has taken possession of these. You may even look at this passage and feel a twinge of envy for the priestly people of ancient times. They were able to redeem their property whenever they wanted-I can't even stand up to reclaim the strength God says I'm supposed to have.

    Did you know that "you are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God's holy nation, his very own special possession…" Did you read that? Maybe go over it again. Yep, still says the same thing. This scripture from 1 Peter 2:9 in context is speaking to the believers of the time. The ones who chose to embrace the cornerstone of the Church, Christ. It relates us to a kingdom of priests. WE are the chosen people. Do you feel it? When God whispered this to me my pulse picked up. Maybe this is part of the point. Maybe this is what God wants you to see at this place of your life-You are able to redeem, to claim, to take back the property that another has been occupying. Maybe this is what Leviticus is telling you right now, you can claim back the land you let be claimed by depression, the areas of your thoughts that you've given ownership over to worry, lust or pride.

    We are of the HIGH PRIEST's blood line, Christ was the ultimate intermediary between the human race and God the Father, and we are now called to act in the same manner, to intercede. And with this come the ability to redeem any area you have forfeited. So take up the land that you sold. Redeem the peace, redeem the direction, and redeem the joy. How? Take the authority that is in Christ and live not longer allow the enemy a foothold in the areas of your life that you have been weakest. Begin to operate in the priestly authority that you have-redeem what is rightfully yours. Do not let the thoughts and emotions that are from satan live in the land that you have a right to. You have the right to redeem.

I Wish My Life Was an Algebraic Equation

Have you ever gone through those times when there are these random circumstances that just stack up? Whether it's the daily stress or something major that hits you in the forehead-it is in those moments where the average person who gets to experience 'life' has two choices. Trust God to pick you up and make the best out of the situation or wallow in the confusion and self pity of the whys. You know those whys; they hid under your pillow at night and laugh at your sighs. They also seem to favor poking you in the eye whenever you start to read the Bible. Oh and don't forget the friendly whys that sneak up on you when you FINALLY had this part of your life lined up, those whys come in and pull that perfectly placed center piece of the obscure puzzle aside and now you don't even have that light blue blotch matched to go above that tree and under that slightly grey cloud.

Ok so maybe you don't take the evil 'why now?', 'why me?' or 'why this?' situations and equate them to obnoxious puzzles-but I wanted to share with you that in those moments, in the times when nothing makes sense-God does. I have found that God's faithfulness is the star of the show when I feel overwhelmed by all the little things or the not-so-little things. It is such a blessed thing to be able and rely on an unchanging God who, according to James 1:17 is "the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

So dear friend I write this little blog in efforts to encourage you in the midst of what you're going through, big or small –God takes note. Big or small, it matters to you-so it matters to him. Big or small-I too feel overwhelmed at times, and the only place of solace I find is in the arms of the Father who does not change, the one who is faithful when we are unfaithful. So where does puzzle pieces and algebraic equations come together in this heart rant of mine? The entry below is one of my journal entries with my expression of how I don't always understand the reasons for things, and how unfair logic can seem. There is a line that we have to find of logic and faith-but in the midst of this difficult task, we can ever lose track of God's faithfulness and the reality that HE has the plan all worked out, we just don't see the big picture or know where all the like colored puzzle pieces fit..So if you want to find a kindred heart that has felt lost and confused with why life doesn't just 'work' then hello friend, sit here with me and we'll see if where this puzzle piece may fit...

"Me? I am not one for mathematical processes to roll around in my head. But I kind of wish my life was a variable. You see, in math there are unknown variables. But through a known process the unknowns become more then Xs or Zs. Why doesn't the Xs of my life become 2s so they can add to 4? Why can't I have the steps written on the board in bright clear colors? Why do the number and letters all seem to run together? Where are the people who figured this out before me? Why can't I just try harder to understand and see the formula work?

I guess that sometimes you have to cancel out numbers to make the formula work, so the Xs blur my vision as frustrated tears fall and mix with the eraser shards on my failed attempts at working the formula out.

Me? I hate numbers. I hate how much sense they make. I hate that there is so much UnChAnGiNg logic to be wasted on formulas and processes when the unknowns Xs in my life involve God allowing me to be in community with imperfect plans and people. He is perfect, how wonderful that HE is faithful, yes he is my CONSTANT. However my variables seem to fluctuate from one side to the other. My logic gets tossed out the window and trampled underfoot as I hope the mud will clear to reveal neat rows of 1 2 3…

Me? I hate the unknowns, the Xs that taunt me. I just wish that my life was an algebraic equation…."

*Our only steadfast defense against life's certain uncertainty is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than His own life. –Beth Moore

*Nevertheless my loving-kindness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail. –God (Psalm 89:33)