Janice Marie Leo

I wrote this and then read it at Jan’s funeral, I tried to sum her up, which is impossible but these were some things that stood out in my mind..I’ll miss her, but she left an AMAZING legacy!

What can I say about Jan? I loved her as if she was an aunt. One of the things that stand out in my mind is when we took her classes at SHARE. From spending hours with her in the stuffy "rainbow" room to dissecting cow eyes she always had a smile on her face. I remember the lunch times we had at McDonalds on Tuesdays, when my mom, Sue Stuut and Jan would scold us teens about our unhealthy food. While Jan sat there, never without her Dr. Pepper. During classes she would often tell jokes and pause for our response with a smirk on her face. As we all stared back wide eyed in confusion, she would erupt into laughter but always make sure to assure us that she was laughing WITH us and not AT us.
She was an amazing teacher and she loved it so much. She said she wanted to prepare us for college homework, with the homework load she laid on us I think we’d be ready for going to Mars! Even with the amazing teacher she was its not the thing I loved most about her. Besides the fact that her being in my life brought Aliscia, one of my best friends to me, I admire her most for her love of Jesus.
Not only did she say she loved Jesus she lived it. It was impossible to come in contact with her and walk away doubting if she was sincere. She was constantly bringing up the hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. She would speak into my life often. Most times she would do so until I was annoyed. I was annoyed only because I knew that the point she was making was true and that I was in fault on my position in a situation. I can see her sitting in the rocking chair in my living room during one of the lady’s prayer times, she would get so excited when they talked about God and what he was doing. Her face would light up and she would begin to speak louder and louder as the other ladies joined in all talking at once.
When I look back Jan didn’t only leave a legacy of being a good school teacher. For me she left a dual part legacy. First and foremost she was a genuine example of living sacrificially and unashamedly for the love of her life- Jesus. Secondly she showed me things about God and His love in ways I hadn’t seen before. Ultimately I feel God called her to be a teacher, at least in my life. She was always praising God and praying for others, thinking about other people rather than herself. The last time I saw her, just last week she was praising God and praying for Dwight’s aching back. To see her praying for others while we were all lifting HER up in prayer was a humbling sight.
I would have to say that the last thing she taught me was to see that God is always good and deserves all our praise not just when we are on the mountains, but in the valleys as well.

Wound me friends..

Hey guys, I've been thinking, a whole lot, a phenomonon that happens more and more often now a days. Anyways, I want to clean out ANY trash in my life, even the ones that I am hiding in the corner...hoping no ones sees or that I forgot. So, friends, any of you that may read this, please help me.

I don't want pride, I dont want selfishness, or self-righteoussness to be anywhere in my life. I know that I have to choose everyday to not give into these desires of my flesh, I have to chose to think, smell and look like Jesus.

So i'm simply blogging to say that I want more than anything else to genuinely represent Christ and His love to everyone around me. As christians, we need to raise the standard for the church, be real and not put on a mask. So I'm asking you all to be my wounding friends. So please if you see anything in me tell me, I may not react in a receptive way, but I'll try. I want anything in me that grieves the heart of God, ANY OF THE THINGS I DONT REALIZE are there to go. So tell me, help keep me accountable. Call me out if you see me judging, or being self righteouss. Please! I know sometimes its easier for people out of the box to see things that I dont inside me or the way I act..

So thats it, thats all, I just am asking you to help me along, sharpon me, wound me.

Mutual joy in being pursued..

So first off we're all kicking into high gear with everything to do with the Dominican Republic this summer. Its busy but exciting! We started practicing dramas and are bringing in items for the auction, I sent out my letters..so its all in motion. If you guys could be praying for me and all the others going that would be greatly appreciated!

So secondly, I don't usually get the time...or make the time really.. to have that personal secret place with God every single day. I all to often let my busy scheduale get the best of me. But I MADE the time all but one day this week to spend about 45 mins or so alone with God. And its so crazy obvious how better my week goes. Its not like I go with out spending time in His Word I do that every day, but there is just that boost and encouragement and joy you get out of those alone times with Him. So that was great to have this past week. He actually at one point arranged it! I was at work and had covered another girl's shift earlier in the week so my boss came to be and said we needed to cut a few of my hour this week cause I can't work over 18..so I ended up going home early that day which gave me like an hour of extra time that I got to spend with God! Hes so funny! :)

So amidst my "Jesus Times" i've been meditating on Jeremiah 29:13 "If you look for me in earnest you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you, says the Lord." that is a crazy picture of how intimate God is. He is such a BIG God but he loves intimacy with us. So dwelling on that scripture....I read Psalm 23:6 "Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life..." God's goodness PURSUES us. His unfailing love-which he IS love- pursues us. Not only does he want US to come after HIM with the promise of us FINDING him, but he pursues US! That is kinda hard to wrap your mind around...but what a precious thought it is!

So then came today, the church service was great. During worship Abbey Andrews (AMAZING GIRL AND SINGER- Go check her out on myspace) sang one of her songs. And as God would have it, as if it was tailored solely to me- the chorus breaks out into "You are not hiding, you show your face" and talked all about how he wants to tell us who he is himself and wants to unlock his riches to us and opens his heart to us and I just couldn't handle how personal it felt! It was like God was there confirming all the things my heart has been pondering this past week, it was just awesome. God is so amazing! He pursues us, as a girl that is always an amazing picture of God and a beautiful truth about his nature, he LOVES us so much! But he also likes it when we seek him, when we are abandoned to all other things and pursue him! A mutual enjoyment of being pursued.. :)

"My name is the Lord Almighty. And I have put my words in your mouth and hidden you safely within my hand, I set all the stars in space and established the earth. I am the one who says to, 'You are mine!'" -Isaiah 51:16 Di you see the picture He paints? He says establishes how majestic and creative he is by saying how he is the creator of the stars and then says that he is the SAME God who says I am HIS! :)

Jesus my heart must know its pleasing to you!!

There are two different scripture that I've been meditating on lately. And I've been thinking how letting God cleanse you really works. Not your initial salvation, you are made pure in his sight at that one instant. But we must keep ourselves clean through out our walk, and Im thinking its a situation where we have to put ourselves in the mindset to be cleansed, then take the steps in obedience, then let HIM be the one to clean us. One is in Isaiah 6, a very well known portion where Isaiah is taken into the throne room of God:

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty. Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!""

This scripture just rips my heart out. That is my cry, I want to be sent, I want to be cleansed from anything in my life that could be hindering me from walking fully in the potential I have in Christ. This is my prayer. God has been teaching me bits and pieces at a time what it means to be cleansed and how to be cleansed. We can't be changed within our own strength, God changes us when we come into his presence. In the same manner I think it is with cleaning your heart, and life, and mind. Though, we must take the step to come into His presence. We have to climb up on the altar and say God-my life is a living sacrifice, I know I'm not worthy to even BE in your presence. But because of your mercy and love you are a intimate God who draws close to us when we draw close to you. So when we take the steps to come into his presence he reaches out to us.

Yet, as I said, I don't think WE can cleanse OURSELVES. In the above scripture Isaiah was cleansed with a burning coal. We have to allow God to come and burn off all the ugly sin, hate, pride, whatever it is, we have to let it go, let it be burnt off. Let the hard parts of our hearts become raw and soft. Then we can answer God's call. When God asks who will go??? We can respond and begin to walk in a more deeper level of His presence in our lives. How exciting! But get this- the other scripture thats been on my mind...

2 Timothy 2:21 ( new living trans.)

"If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work."

When we let ourselves be cleansed, we will be ready for God to use us...any time. But this isn't a one time thing. Every day, as we let ourselves die tot he flesh, we must also let our hearts be cleansed! God can use anyone, true, but when we specifically and on purpose position ourselves in his will and are obedient to him you will be able to hear his voice more clearly and be guided by his presence in a stronger, more tangible way.No sin can enter God's presence, we must first ask God to cleanse us and be willing to give up whatever it is he may bring to your mind that needs to be purged. It can't just be lip service it has to be from the heart, a sincere decision to let God replace that piece of your heart with his grace and mercy and more of Him.

Isaiah 1: 16- "Wash yourselves and be clean! Let me no longer see your evil deeds. Give up your wicked ways."

1:18- "'Come now let us argue this out' says the Lord. 'No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool."

God wants to prove it to us, he says lets argue over it, and let me tell you- God is always right! Praise God for his mercy, grace and forgiveness and love that washes away EVERY sin. He says that no matter how deep no matter how much you've messed up, he can clean us. So let your hearts be made pure in God's presence. Don't think I'm preaching, cause I'm writing this to myself! God is just revealing to me more and more how I can be closer to him, and we must be pure to be close to him. He connected the dots for me just today, during some "Jesus time" i was having, he is so good. He loves us so much that even though we can make ourselves dirty and ugly, he has made ways for us to be cleansed again. How awesome is our God!!!!!!!!!!

God cleanse us, make us pure! Give us clean hands and pure hearts! Jesus my heart must know its pleasing to you!

Talkin 'bout tough love

"My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights." -Proverbs 11-12

Think about this God is love. He is the very essence of love. He is our perfect model of love. His love is so deep that we won't ever truly know the entirety of it or its depth. We can always press deeper into God's love for us. He is our lover, our best friend and our abba. We have the picture of our daddy wrapping his arms around us, and coddling us and telling us how much he loves us. What a God that is, what other 'god' acrossed history was ever that intimate with their people? While God is our loving father, this also means that he does all things for our good. He loves us so much to hurt us sometimes. Don't let that sound harsh to you, cause I will briefly explain my thoughts..

God is our Shepard among other things, a thought that has stayed with me ever since I heard it is the picture of a shepherd and a sheep who habitually wanders. When this sheep keeps wandering away, it possibly gets hurt yet it does it over and over again. A shepherd would literally break the sheep's legs and then carry it with him. Holding it all the while as it heals. When the sheep is able to walk, it is so used to being close to its shepherd never again does it wander. Do you see it? We are the sheep, God loves us enough to hurt us. He will 'break' our legs to let us be closer to him. Now I'll have you know God NEVER wants us to get hurt, he doesn't want us to continually go through a hard time, but when we fall into those situations, for whatever reason- he will bring something good out of it. He will ALLOW us to be broken so we become closer to him.

Secondly, we may need to have our hearts broken. When we humble ourselves and lay our hearts bare before him they may get broken. But when they do the most amazing thing happens..God picks up every broken piece and places it back in place and when he stands back you know what he sees? He sees a heart akin to that of his precious son, the perfect LAMB Jesus. God may have to hurt us, allow our hearts to break, to transform us.

Next time you feel like its falling apart. Next time you feel like the last few string of life you have are breaking and snapping and your surroundings are crumbling let go. Its not always our place to understand why God allows things or does the things he does. But he is ALWAYS good. And just maybe you have to let go of the things your holding so tightly and give into the breaking to let God come in and heal you. He didn't come to heal the healthy. We can't be fake with God, he sees what condition our hearts are really in, but he can't come in to touch it with the hands of a father until we allow him.

So let God love on you. Climb up into your daddy's lap and gaze into his graceful, beautiful, merciful face and let him teach you his ways. But don't forget to let God love you on you when it hurts.
"I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep and they know me, just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep." -John 10 14

OH HOW MUCH GOD LOVES US.
Lord reveal every facet of your love to us. God show us what needs to be changed in us so that we can be closer to you. Lord thank you for being our daddy and being such an intimate God who lets us climb into your lap. Lord take us deeper into your love and show us HOW to love like you. Thank you for loving me!!