I Wish My Life Was an Algebraic Equation

Have you ever gone through those times when there are these random circumstances that just stack up? Whether it's the daily stress or something major that hits you in the forehead-it is in those moments where the average person who gets to experience 'life' has two choices. Trust God to pick you up and make the best out of the situation or wallow in the confusion and self pity of the whys. You know those whys; they hid under your pillow at night and laugh at your sighs. They also seem to favor poking you in the eye whenever you start to read the Bible. Oh and don't forget the friendly whys that sneak up on you when you FINALLY had this part of your life lined up, those whys come in and pull that perfectly placed center piece of the obscure puzzle aside and now you don't even have that light blue blotch matched to go above that tree and under that slightly grey cloud.

Ok so maybe you don't take the evil 'why now?', 'why me?' or 'why this?' situations and equate them to obnoxious puzzles-but I wanted to share with you that in those moments, in the times when nothing makes sense-God does. I have found that God's faithfulness is the star of the show when I feel overwhelmed by all the little things or the not-so-little things. It is such a blessed thing to be able and rely on an unchanging God who, according to James 1:17 is "the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

So dear friend I write this little blog in efforts to encourage you in the midst of what you're going through, big or small –God takes note. Big or small, it matters to you-so it matters to him. Big or small-I too feel overwhelmed at times, and the only place of solace I find is in the arms of the Father who does not change, the one who is faithful when we are unfaithful. So where does puzzle pieces and algebraic equations come together in this heart rant of mine? The entry below is one of my journal entries with my expression of how I don't always understand the reasons for things, and how unfair logic can seem. There is a line that we have to find of logic and faith-but in the midst of this difficult task, we can ever lose track of God's faithfulness and the reality that HE has the plan all worked out, we just don't see the big picture or know where all the like colored puzzle pieces fit..So if you want to find a kindred heart that has felt lost and confused with why life doesn't just 'work' then hello friend, sit here with me and we'll see if where this puzzle piece may fit...

"Me? I am not one for mathematical processes to roll around in my head. But I kind of wish my life was a variable. You see, in math there are unknown variables. But through a known process the unknowns become more then Xs or Zs. Why doesn't the Xs of my life become 2s so they can add to 4? Why can't I have the steps written on the board in bright clear colors? Why do the number and letters all seem to run together? Where are the people who figured this out before me? Why can't I just try harder to understand and see the formula work?

I guess that sometimes you have to cancel out numbers to make the formula work, so the Xs blur my vision as frustrated tears fall and mix with the eraser shards on my failed attempts at working the formula out.

Me? I hate numbers. I hate how much sense they make. I hate that there is so much UnChAnGiNg logic to be wasted on formulas and processes when the unknowns Xs in my life involve God allowing me to be in community with imperfect plans and people. He is perfect, how wonderful that HE is faithful, yes he is my CONSTANT. However my variables seem to fluctuate from one side to the other. My logic gets tossed out the window and trampled underfoot as I hope the mud will clear to reveal neat rows of 1 2 3…

Me? I hate the unknowns, the Xs that taunt me. I just wish that my life was an algebraic equation…."

*Our only steadfast defense against life's certain uncertainty is unconditional trust in a Savior who loves us more than His own life. –Beth Moore

*Nevertheless my loving-kindness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail. –God (Psalm 89:33)