Diving into glorious misery of self dissatisfaction

Diving into glorious misery of self dissatisfaction...read that carefully..sounds like a crazy depression party right? By no means-this title is my weekend and a commitment in my life-in a nutshell. This past weekend my church had the awesome blessing of hosting the Desperation Youth Conference. It was amazing!!! Absolutely amazing, and I can't even try and explain all the awesome things God did so I am going to tell you about one particular seminar that pierced my heart. David Perkins, is an amazing man of God, when I look at him I see many characteristics that I want to strive for in my life. Saturday afternoon I was able to go to a seminar David was teaching entitled Zealots. He centered it around the scripture found in Romans 12:11- I like how the NIV says it best- "Never be lacking in zeal, but have spiritual fervor, serving the Lord."

He spoke so plainly and passionately about what it looks like to live as a zealot for God. To live a life that is centered around KNOWING God. Not just knowing about him, or who he is, or even knowing him a little-but your life goal and purpose is to KNOW God. David spoke all about standing up for what is righteous without a second thought. Stand up for what is righteous when those around you aren't able to, when they aren't strong enough to do so. When they look at you and begin to feel uncomfortable they will say "you think you're better than us!" NO! Thats not is at all. Just say that you are standing up for what is right for you and for them. After all, Jesus most certainly offended people. He didnt live to offend but he lived to KNOW God, and if that offended people-tough! The abandoned lifestyle that David described was one that he could testify to having lived. And if he lived it, I want to follow.

He gave some points on how to get there and the one that most resonated with me was-
To Get dissatisfied with yourself.
In order to strive to live zealously you can't be okay with where youre at. You must long to KNOW God more. And a great way to want more is to get really fascinated with Jesus. When youre focusing on him you will more clearly see how Jesus' heart worked and begin to live accordingly. He also said to get around someone who brings out the best in you-some spiritual leader in your life that is somewhere you want to be. Being around those people who are so on fire and so desperate create in you a GLORIOUS MISERY. You become so dissatisfied with where you are that you will try to get all you can out of these leaders in your life. Read what they read- listen to what they do and take their advice.Take their hand and lay it on your forehead ans say "I want what you have! Pray for me!!!!" You look at where you are and where they are-you become dissatisfied with where you are but encouraged to see that you can get so much closer to GOD!!!

Another thing that was a GREAT encouragement to me was how he said that you don't have to know what youre called to do-long before that you must know what you were created to do- and that is to KNOW GOD. Live to KNOW him and let the chips fall! Be abandoned in the way you seek to know your living Lord. "I give you permission to be a zealot, to live out loud." By the time David was concluding his seminar I was near tears, God had come and stirred my heart so deeply with a longing so REAL..it felt physical, OH GOD I WANT THAT!!! I was screaming inside-Lord I dont live that way but SOOOOOO want to! GOD I WANT THAT!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW YOU!

"Never be lacking in zeal...." NEVER. Not just 'be zealous when youre at church, when your on a mission trip NEVER BE LACKING IN ZEAL!" Thats not me..not yet....

So here I am, ready to dive into a state of glorious misery where I am dissatisfied with myself. Imagine what that would look like- an entire generation that cared for nothing else but to KNOW God. How would you do that? What would it look like....it would look like zealots who have spiritual fervor. Abandoned now and always, as a zealot living to KNOW God. If you-whoever you are- ever see me straying from this state-straying from living to KNOW God and GOD alone- come along side me and then smack me! And say "Would an abandoned zealot do that?" Thats what I want to be, thats where I'm headed. Lets throw all else aside and live to KNOW God-ask me what I'm going to 'do.' Know God, what about you??

yours truly,
an abandoned zealot in glorious misery
-Cassie